Sarawak Regatta and Me

Sarawak Regatta is a symbol of unity and peace between various ethnic in Sarawak. It is a long boat race with number of rowers ranging from 10 to 30 rowers. It has been contested or organised since more than a decade ago. Now, it has become an annual event with various categories inclusive of international category and dragon boat. 

I, myself have an experience in joining the regatta. I'm one of the lead rower representing my school in year 1988-89. It was my first experience in rowing a boat with 20 other students. We went for our weekly training at Land and Survey Depo as we needed to borrow their boat and their coaches. During that time, Land and Survey Department (famously known as Landas) was famous in Sarawak Regatta. Their team always won trophies in various categories and also emerged as an overall champion. 

It took us months of intensive weekly training, only on weekends as we are all students. A lot of fun things happened during that time. The boat capsized. Rowing in the rain. Seasick after the training. It was fun. On the actual day, on the way to the starting point, towed by the organiser's boat, my paddle slip off my hand and dropped into the river. I was so panic as I'm the lead rower. I started to shout around to other team whether they have an extra paddle or not. I was lucky, I managed to get one but working with a comfortable paddle the whole time during training, and use a different one on actual day is not easy at all. The grip either is too big or too stiff to handle. No matter what, I have to deal with it. At last, we managed to settle at second place, losing to SMK Santubong due to navigator error when taking the last corner when he supposed to cut in but did not and went around the corner. This is where SMK Santubong overtake us. We have our prize money and trophy. Good experience but unfortunately, the following year, the school category was scrapped off the list in Sarawak Regatta. It was years later when I have my second experience in Sarawak Regatta.

I can't remember which year it was but I'm sure it was in mid 1990's. Maybe 1995-97. I heard that Association of Bank Malaysia, Sarawak branch decided to participated in a Sarawak Regatta and they needed a team. I immediately volunteer myself in the team. It was a very raw team formed with employees of various bank. We went for training after office hours at Waterfront Kuching. 1 hour training, 3 times a week. At first, it was a complete chaos. The paddle knock each other. The backend rower don't know what is happening at the front. 

I, again, volunteer myself as the lead rower. With my short experience during my school time, I showed the rest what we supposed to do and how to do it. Eventhough the team wasn't really ready for the race, we managed to complete the race, I think in the last position. Very unorganised but good experience. Sadly , there's not even 1 photo of our team during that time. The smart phone wasn't introduced to world yet. 

There's many more memories of Sarawak Regatta in my life. When I was 5 or 6 years old, my parents used to bring me and my siblings to watched the race. During that time, Kuching Waterfront doesn't exist yet. There're rows of godown, wharf and stores located along the river. Also coffee stalls made of ataps and fish market. My father have a relative who is from Sejingkat-Tanjong Bako and they always camping in their boats along the riverbanks everytime there's an event like this. They would sail from their village to Kuching town and spend few days just to watch the event.

So, my parents, as the gesture of courtesy, my parents visited them in their boat. We had our drinks, food. I saw my sister went to the back of the boat and I followed. Both of us playing there for a while until a speedboat passed by and created some big wave. My sister tried to stand up and walking to inside the boat when she off balance and fell off to the water. The boat rocks violently, hitting the neighbouring boats. I think I was panic but I can't remember whether I scream or not. One thing that I remember, I tried to reach to my sister, extending my hand when I feel I was grabbed from behind before my hand was squeezed between the the rocking boats. I remember someone jumped into the river. I remember my father jumped into the river. They managed to pulled my sister out from the river. From here onwards, everything was blurred. I can't recalled what happened. She survived. 

Photo above-Chinese Museum. I remembered that there used to be atap stalls located around this area selling foods, fish etc. There a small river where boats docks. This place used to be a riverbanks, now, it is a land reclamation, with children playground built on it.

I think that is all I want to say about Regatta and me. I will always treasure the experience in my memories. One day, I can say to my younger generations that I've been in Sarawak Regatta. The only regret I have is, there's no photo of it at all as that years, I can't afford to have one. 

Adios..... 😘

Do I regret?

Interesting question. Do I regret? Aku tertarik dengan satu wawancara jalanan dalam satu aplikasi Tik Tok. Walaupun aku tidak mempunyai akaun Tik Tok buat masa ini, tetapi, disebabkan perkongsian warganet, aku masih lagi dapat melihat ciapan-ciapan TikTokers' di platfom media sosial yang lain. Dalam wawancara tersebut, seorang lelaki telah ditanya, "Apakah perkara masa lalu yang dia paling kesal yang dia telah buat?". Jawapan beliau adalah "Tiada"

Penemuramah tersebut hairan. Bagaimana seseorang yang telah agak berusia boleh tiada kesalan dalam hidupnya.

Jawapannya senang saja.

Kalau kita tawaduk, tawakal, redha dan ikhlas dalam segala ketentuan Allah, tiada apa yang perlu disesalkan.

Mungkin ada banyak lagi yang boleh atau perlu kita lakukan untuk yakin akan qada dan qadar Allah tapi apa yang dikatakan diatas adalah yang paling mudah dilakukan oleh sesiapa saja. Untuk mencapai tahap tenang dan gembira yang sebenarnya, kita perlu muhasabah diri. Rasulullah SAW menyifatkan orang yang sentiasa bermuhasabah diri sebagai orang yang berakal. 

Sabda baginda, maksudnya: “Orang yang berakal adalah orang y ang memaksa dirinya untuk taat kepada Allah SWT dan berbuat (mempersiapkan bekal) bagi akhirat, sedangkan orang yang lemah adalah orang yang membiarkan dirinya mengikuti hawa nafsu kemudian berangan - angan agar Allah mengampuninya.” (HR At Tirmidzi).

Perjalanan hidup ini sememangnya penuh dengan liku-liku dan cabarannya tersendiri. Kadang-kadang kita sendiri tidak dapat menduga atau menghalang musibah dari berlaku. Namun jika ianya terjadi dan kita menerimanya dengan redha dan yakin segalanya adalah qada dan qadar Allah, pasti hati, jiwa, fikiran dan hidup kita akan lebih tenang. Yakin akan Allah setiap waktu adalah amat penting. Setiap apa yang kita lakukan, jika kita ingat akan Allah sepanjang melakukan perkara tersebut, sudah pastinya tidak akan sekali-kali kita melanggar perintahNya.

Biar pada mulanya, tiada keikhlasan melakukannya, lama kelamaan, pasti akan hadir hidayah dan petunjuk dari Allah. Ujian demi ujian akan hadir. Adakah kita akan mengagalkan diri? Tunduk pada kehendak syaitan? Ada rakan-rakan yang akan membantu kita jika kita ikhlas dengan niat kita. Ada juga yang akan cuba menarik kita ke jalan kemungkaran. Adakah itu qada dan qadar Allah jika kita tewas atau menang? Mungkin. Tapi perlu diingatkan,

"Allah tidak akan mengubah nasib sesuatu kaum melainkan mereka merubah hidup mereka sendiri" surah Ar-Ra'd ayat 11.

Maka jika kita merubah hidup kita kearah yang lebih baik, tenang dan beriman, sesungguhnya Allah akan ada untuk membantu. Jangan menjadi hipokrit. Hanya keikhlasan hati yang tawaduk, tawakal, redha dan ikhlas akan membawa kita kearah tiada kekesalan dalam menjalani hidup kita seharian.

Adios....... 

Tiada Lagi Aku

Kita bersama menempuh semua
Dugaan melanda tidak kupinta
Pahit dan manis duka menghiris
Kita mengharungi dengan berani

Gurau dan senda pun turut mengisi
Ruang dan ketika di masa sepi
Kepercayaan dan keikhlasan
Makin menguatkan persahabatan

Entah mengapa engkau
Cepat benar berubah
Kerana kejayaan
Kau merasa megah

Jangan engkau mudah terlupa
Setiap benda yang ada
Takkan kekal selama-lamanya
Diriku akhirnya kau singkir jua

Biar kupergi membawa sekeping hati
Tidak sanggup lagi aku menyaksi
Wajah yang pernah menyakitkan hati

Gurau dan senda pun turut mengisi
Ruang dan ketika di masa sepi
Kepercayaan dan keikhlasan
Makin menguatkan persahabatan

Entah mengapa engkau
Cepat benar berubah
Kerana kejayaan
Kau merasa megah

Jangan engkau mudah terlupa
Setiap benda yang ada
Takkan kekal selama-lamanya
Diriku akhirnya kau singkir jua

Biar kupergi membawa sekeping hati
Tidak sanggup lagi aku menyaksi
Wajah yang pernah menyakitkan hati

Jangan engkau mudah terlupa
Setiap benda yang ada
Takkan kekal selama-lamanya
Diriku akhirnya kau singkir jua

RUSTY BLADE

Merdeka.... Independence..... Bebas

Sempena bulan kemerdekaan ini, tidak kisah lah sama ada 31 Ogos ataupun 27 Julai ataupun 16 September, yang penting nya, bagaimana kita menghayati erti sebenar kemerdekaan.

Merdeka. Sepatah perkataan yang amat keramat bagi penghuni sesebuah kawasan yang tiada hak untuk bersuara. Tiada hak untuk bergerak. Tiada hak untuk meminta. Segala yang dipunyai nya pasti akan dirampas sebahagiannya mahupun semuanya. Ramai yang tahu perasaannya tapi hanya segelintir saja yang berani bertindak. Tak perlu diceritakan di sini kerana pasti kita mengetahui sejarahnya.

Namun, merdeka yang sebenarnya adalah merdekanya jiwa kita diri sendiri. Apakah ataupun bagaimanakah merdekanya jiwa? Agak sukar untuk diungkaikan namun akan cuba untuk di jelaskan disini.

Pernahkah anda merasa terkongkong tanpa ada yang mengongkong anda. Samada pekerjaan, keluarga, komuniti, kewangan dan sebagainya. Walaupun secara langsung , benda-benda seperti ini tidak lah memaksa anda untuk memberi komitmen anda kepadanya namun, secara tidak sedar, ianya mengongkong anda dan merampas perasaan bebas anda. Pasti ada masanya anda akan berbisik, bila lah nak bebas dari semua ini? Jiwa kita memberontak untuk merdeka. Hati kita kekadang tidak tenteram. Perasaan amarah kita kekadang meletus walau hanya untuk perkara-perkara yang kecil.

Inilah yang dimaksudkan dengan kebebasan jiwa. Selalunya, umur dalam lingkungan 25-38, akan mengalami perkara ini. Jiwa muda. Semangat membara. Akal fikiran sentiasa aktif namun berserabut. Namun, banyak yang hilang arah kerana hidup ini, tidak didatangkan dengan buku panduan. Bagi pasangan yang baru berumahtangga, ujian dalam alam rumahtangga selalu berlaku disini. Yang cekal akan mengharunginya dengan tenang dan sabar. Yang tiada kesabaran dan pemikiran matang, akan tewas. Hanya bila dalam lingkungan umur 35-36 tahun, mereka akan mulai nampak arah dan mulai memikirkan hari-hari mendatang. Ada yang mulai menyimpan wang, ada yang mulai mengumpul harta, ada yang mulai mencari iman, ada yang mulai menjaga kesihatan. Disini, kesabaran mulai terkawal namun ujian tetap datang dari pelbagai arah. Nafsu di usia ini makin kuat dan bila gagal dikawal, maka gagal lah pemikirannya. Kebebasan sebenar pasti gagal dikecapi jika gagal mengawal nafsu. 

Janji Allah itu pasti seperti firmanNya dalam ayat alAhqaf ayat 15 yang bermaksud:

"Dan Kami perintahkan kepada manusia agar berbuat baik kepada kedua orang tuanya. Ibunya telah mengandungnya dengan susah payah, dan melahirkannya dengan susah payah (pula). Masa mengandung sampai menyusunya selama tiga puluh bulan, sehingga apabila dia (anak itu) telah dewasa dan umurnya mencapai empat puluh tahun dia berdoa, “Ya Tuhanku, berilah aku petunjuk agar aku dapat mensyukuri nikmat-Mu yang telah Engkau limpahkan kepadaku dan kepada kedua orang tuaku dan agar aku dapat berbuat kebajikan yang Engkau redai; dan berilah aku kebaikan yang akan mengalir sampai kepada anak cucuku. Sesungguhnya aku bertaubat kepada Engkau dan sungguh, aku termasuk orang muslim.”

Life begins at 40, like a lot of people are saying. Tapi sebelum umur 40 tiba, persediaan untuk kearah itu mestilah teguh. Persediaan itu pula bukannya boleh dilakukan selama sebulan dua, tapi mengambil masa setahun dua. Jadi, bila dah sampai umur 37-38 tahun, bersedialah untuk menerima perubahan dari segi mental. Perubahan dalaman dan luaran. Carilah teman atau penunjuk arah yang tepat. Perlahan-lahan lah berubah. Jangan terlalu drastik hinggakan kita sendiri tidak selesa dengan perubahan kita. Jika jiwa kita memberontak, maka perasaan bebas itu tidak akan hadir secara semulajadi. Kita inginkan kemerdekaan jiwa kita tanpa kekacauan akal fikiran. Bacalah artikel-artikel ilmiah. Dengarlah ucapan-ucapan yang baik. Buatlah amal jariah walaupun sedikit. Sedekahlah semampunya. Dan yang paling penting, usaha untuk dirikanlah solat walau apapun halangan. Tak kisahlah apa yang sedang dilakukan, baik sedang bertugas, sedang berjamuan, sedang bersukan, sedang berhibur, usahakan untuk bersolat. Sehingga sampai satu tahap dimana jika tidak sujud kepada Allah pada waktunya, hatimu tak akan tenang. Rasa bersalah dan berdosa itu menebal dalam diri. Itulah hidayah. Bila sampai hidayah Allah, masya-Allah, pasti kamu akan tahu apa itu Kemerdekaan jiwa. 

Segalanya akan menjadi tenang. Hari-harimu akan menjadi ceria. Kawalan pemikiranmu menjadi lancar. Percakapanmu mudah difahami. Segala yang dilakukan akan menjadi ikhlas. Perasaan tawaduk itu hadir. Kita mudah memaafkan. 

Maka itulah kebebasan yang ingin kita kecapi. Merdeka bukan dari pandangan perundangan tapi Merdeka dari diri kita yang lama. Kita yang panas, baran, berdendam, tiada kesabaran, bangga diri, sombong, riak dan segalanya. 

Perasaan jiwa bebas, ikhlas, tenang dan sentiasa rindu kepadaNya. 

Salam Hari Kebangsaan. Adios

28 years of fatherhood

Just like the title said, 28 years of fatherhood, you thought you know a lot of fatherhood stuff. Guess what? You are absolutely wrong. The probability of you know all is zero. You might know how to do birth registration. Then clinic visits. Buying toys. Buying diapers. Buying milk. Changing diapers. Giving bath to a baby. School registrations. Tuitions. School sports day. Extra curriculum activities. Exams. College registration. Graduations. Et cetera, et cetera.

All of the above will take 20 years of your life. You won't have time for leisure swim at the resort vacation. You'll have to monitor the children movement all the time. You won't have time to enjoy yout me time. There's no such thing as romantic life. You won't have time to love. You won't have time to seek opportunity without sacrificing anything. I can guarantee you, once you try to grab any opportunity for your own growth, believe me, you will be missing the growth of your child. They will grow so fast that you can't even have time to rest. 

With all the above expressions, 28 years will do you good. You will know, in living this world, you doesn't matter. Your love one do. You'll do whatever you can to fulfill their needs. You will loose your sleep. You will loose your weekend restday. You will loose your money, a lot. You will loose friends. You will loose your love life, your health, your perfect vacation. The only thing you will gain is your weight. Why? You won't have time for exercise, gym, or a simple 1 hour walk in the park. Everytime you bring your child outside for breakfast, lunch or dinner, the finisher of all the meal will be you. Why oh why they don't serve children portion for mee laksa, mee jawa, mee kolok?

Ah. Yes. Forgotten for a while. 28 years of fatherhood doesn't stop at graduation.. Now, you need to monitor their next phase of life. Working life. First, you need to make sure they are looking for a job and not living in your house, rent free with free food, water, wifi and electricity. A decent job with enough income for them to move out from your house soonest possible. Cruel? You have to. Do you still or want to live in your parents house? Forever? Some will say Yes but majority will say No. This part of life is monitoring from a distance. You can't put pressure to much or to release it to easily. Whatever they need, just support them. Just ok with it. They want to work thousands of mile away, let them go. Free them and you're free. NO. You are not free yet.

This part is the worst part of fatherhood. Marriage. I haven't experience this part in custom way, so I can't tell much. And worst part is, if you're doing this alone. 

Adakah anda sudah matang?

Tazkirah

SEMBILAN (9) TANDA SESEORANG ITU SUDAH MATANG DALAM KEHIDUPAN

1. Kita berhenti menilai dan menghukum orang lain, tetapi fokus untuk merubah diri sendiri.

2. Kita boleh menerima orang lain seadanya. Kita faham makna perbezaan pendapat. Tidak perlu taksub.

3. Kita berani “melepaskan” kenangan lama yg pahit. Tidak berdendam dan simpan dalam hati.

4. Kita berhenti mengharap dan meminta dari orang, tetapi mula memberi. Biar sedikit kita memberi, tetapi jangan pernah meminta.

5. Kita melakukan sesuatu, hanya untuk mendapat ikhlas. Melakukan sesuatu bukan untuk mendapat nilaian, pujian dan pengiktirafan orang. Tidak tersinggung bila dikeji, dikutuk dan dihina orang.

6. Kita berhenti menunjuk kepandaian, kehebatan dan mula mengakui kepandaian, kebaikan dan kehebatan orang lain.

7. Kita berhenti membandingkan nasib kita dgn nasib orang lain. Kita membandingkan nasib diri kita yg semalam. Kita berdamai dengan diri sendiri. Tidak iri, dengki dan sakit hati melihat kelebihan orang lain.

8. Kita boleh bezakan “kehendak” dan “keperluan”, lalu mengutamakan keperluan dari kehendak .

9. Kita berhenti meletakkan nilai kebahagian pada kebendaan. Kita lebih menikmati “rasa kopi” dari menikmati “cantiknya cawan”.

Antara petunjuk yang kita sudah mencapai 9 tahap sahsiah diatas ialah kita tidak ada niat lagi mahu menunjuk diri kitalah yang terbaik. Sebaliknya, hati kita memandu minda untuk mahu berbuat kebaikan. Niat mahu berkasih sayang dan beramal kebajikan. (ahan)

Tired, stress and peaceful

The month of June.

A very tough month at work. It's coming to the end of 1st half of the year. Work, work and work. I don't even have time for a single 12 hours rest. Even on weekends. As usual, the day starts at dawn. Laundry, breakfast and all the preparation for the 2 of them to school. Then went for a quick run. 4km in less than 20 mins that's the target. Then preparing myself to the office. Rush hours traffic. I often clock in 10 mins late and it's already becoming a norm to me. Then settling all yesterday's work. Solving peoples problem before facing new peoples problem. Yes. I am giving consultation now more than serving. Every single customer that I am facing now coming with various personal problems and issues. Sometimes, I wonder, why do people have so much problems in life? Can't they think of their way to overcome it? Some of the problem can be solve by accepting the issue than throw away the ego and sceptical mentality, and then, you'll see the way out.

Sometimes, thinking of peoples problem giving me a stressful day. Pity those who come and meet me at the end of the day. That time, I'll be very grumpy and no longer in a good mood. You'll get a cold response from me. Imagine of 8 hours listening to people and 1001 issue, not to mention things with HQ. I am just tired of that. Moreover, the office now working on a very very tight resources. Last week, 1 person down with Covid19. This week, another 1 is down with Covid19. Plus another one on leave, leaving only 3 of us to manage averagely 60-70 customers a day. Stressful to the max.

That causes me always looking forward for me day.

Away from people. Away from crowds. Away from all nonsense in peoples life. I just want peace. Even reading messages on the phone is already stressing me but I like watching reels. It's more fun than YouTube. Tiktok? Nay..... no intension to create an account yet.

Midweek. Mid-month. Just can't wait for the month to end. There's something in my chest blocking my path. There's something that I'm suppose to do that I haven't done. Or still doubtful to do. Until I clear that task, I will not feel any peaceful in my heart. I know, but I just can't settle that now as the action must with a chain reaction simultaneously. Then BANG, all out.

So, I think that is all I can express now. I just got to get it out of my chest. A lot of people said you've got to talk to people to overcome your mental stress for a good mental health but majority of people, they willing listen just to response. Not just be there listening only. Not that I want you to understand the situation but just be there to listen. That's all.

Some people even worst. When we express whatever in out chest, they also want to be higher and worst than you. Instead of hopeful that they listen to you becoming the other way round. Terrible listener. Sometimes, I may look dreaming very far away but actually, I am consulting my inner-self or just calming myself down. I need that. That is why I like to run. I can talk to myself all the time. Giving motivation to myself. Force myself to push more. Set a goal just to exceed it. 

Love you. Adios 

49 years + 1 day

Well....... where do I start?

Ok. First of all, Happy 49th birthday to me. It is the edge of the age before becoming half century years old..... hah, can't believe it will gonna happen in 365 days. Anything special? Nay..... it is just a normal day at work and just a normal day at home. Do I celebrate? Nay. I never celebrated my birthday. I never do. Maybe, only occasionally , I do self reward myself, but that doesn't need my birthday. I always self reward myself. Food, expensive toys, travel or even me time. most well worth self reward to myself is my Umrah pilgrimage in 2018. That is the best self reward ever. For me to accumulate enough budget for the trip is very tough. With my family expenses commitment and my son's higher education cost, I barely have enough for the month. But Allah is the greatest planner. When He "invited" you to his house, there's no obstacle that you can't overcome. A month before I am suppose to put a deposit to the travel agent, my parents planned for a holiday to Langkawi and all my siblings suggested to contribute a bit for their expenses. The feeling that I had during that time was very heartbroken. Imagine, I've been saving money for a year for my Umrah deposit, I just have to give it up for my parents holiday. After deep thought and reflecting sacrifices that my parents did for me, I just close my eyes and withdraw the fund from my Tabung Haji account, gave it to my mother, and forget about it. My Umrah plan just have to wait.

It took me another 3 years to save enough for my Umrah trip and the feeling of paying the full amount to the travel agent is awesome. The feeling of performing your pilgrimage with your hard earn money is worthwhile. When I completed my Safa and Marwah saie', and shave a bit my head, I cried. I did it. When a beggar whisper to my ears for a donation or a sadakah, I just look him in the eyes and said, it cost me years to reach here and I just can't afford to spend extra for a beggar who is blessed being living in the Holy Land all the while, begging.

If, just if, I got to have another chance, I'll take my wife for "honeymoon" here. Amazing place to worship Allah together with your love one.

Ya... what else is happening in my 49 years of living in this world? Maybe the success of my children to pursue their studies in higher education universities makes me proud but of course, will be prouder if they can find a well paid job and live on their own and that will be an accomplishment. That's the dream.

Planning for my 10 years life routine is so hard. Even with 49 years of breathing, I still can't have a good prediction what will be happening on the future. The world is a very fierce place. At any time, you'll be taken away of your privileges on the surface. I've been "alone" for more than a decade and I can't have time to guide another one. Enough with the children I had. Can't wait to complete the mission. That's why, sometimes, I like to see an independent women who can live life without fear. Without needing help from a man. 

And, that's it. I have a lot more to say but I should keep it and do another mumbling post while listening to the sound of jungle and waterfall. 

Delayed published due to busy with work, Ramadhan, Syawal and life. 

Adios. 

It is me again, mumbling

Pernah terfikir, what do you want in life? Apa matlamat hidup? Apa yang ingin kita capai? Dalam erti kata lain, what is your goal? Dulu, memang aku pernah atau selalu memikirkan benda ini. How will my future look like? Will I be happy? Will I be wealthier? Will I be successful? Trust me. Aku dah cuba banyak. Aku tidak memikirkan sejauh 10, 20 tahun akan datang tapi aku cuba untuk memendekkan sasaran hidupku.

 Contohnya, by the time I am 30, aku mesti memiliki sebuah rumah or memiliki sebuah kereta. By the time I am 35, I am financially free and have time to save for Umrah by the time I am 40. Alhamdulillah, mungkin tersasar 2 atau 3 tahun tapi cara pemikiran begini boleh mengurangkan tekanan or stress di jiwa. 

Aku rasa lebih tenang, fokus dan bebas. Ianya umpama memandu jarak jauh. It is not the destination counts but the journey itself. Selalu bersedia untuk sedikit detour or delay. Mungkin akan ada kerosakan kenderaan, halangan diperjalanan or mungkin untuk stop by for some sightseeing.

Short target in life. Tidak terlalu ambitious orang kata. Alhamdulillah. Aku rasa lebih tenang sebegini. Pernah berlaku sesuatu yang amat memberatkan hati, jiwa dan perasaanku suatu ketika dulu. I tried to forget it. Lupuskan terus dari dalam hati, pemikiran dan kalau boleh, terus beranggapan ianya tak pernah berlaku. Namun, setiap kali aku cuba menghilangkannya dari pemikiran ku, ia pasti akan menjelma kembali. Aku tahu, hanya satu cara yang boleh membantu aku hidup dengan perasaan ini, iaitu cuba untuk menerima hakikat nya. Tapi, aku tetap mencari pelbagai alasan untuk tidak melakukan perkara tersebut. Aku tetap tak mahu menerima kegagalan ku itu.

I have a great opportunity to redeem it all the day I was given an opportunity by Allah to pray infront of the Kaabah door (Multazam) area. Tempat ini diriwayatkan sebagai tempat berdoa yang amat mustajab. Jarang doa disini tidak dimakbulkan Allah. Banyak juga doa² yang sempat aku pinta kepada Allah dan yang menakjubkan, boleh dikatakan hampir 95% doa ku telah dimakbulkan Allah. Ada teman yang memesan doakan dia mendapat jodoh, in less than a year, she found her soulmate. Doa utk kejayaan anak², alhamdulillah, dimakbulkan juga. 

Doa utk kemudahan melangsaikan hutang², alhamdulillah, 98% berjaya di langsaikan. Memang tempat ini sangat mustajab ataupun memang sudah ketentuan Allah. Wallahuaklam. 

Like I said, segalanya menjadi mudah bila kita letakkan sasaran yang singkat dan bukannya 10, 20 tahun akan datang. Walaupun aku masih ada tanggungjawab yang belum lagi selesai, tapi jiwa agak tenang dan fokus sekarang. Tidak seperti dulu, yang sentiasa berdebar-debar menempuh hari² yang tiba. Walaupun aku tidaklah sempurna dari segala serba serbi, agama, kewangan, kehidupan sosial, hubungan dengan ibubapa, namun aku pasti aku berada di tahap yang aku mahu berada sekarang. Hidup, mati, jodoh, pertemuan, perpisahan, susah, senang biarlah menjadi urusan Allah. Yang perlu aku fokus sekarang cumalah menjadi insan yang kekal taat perintah Allah. Yakin sepenuhnya terhadap qada dan qadar Allah. 

Just enjoy my life. Spend more time with your love ones. Worry less. Think less. Let it flows. Happy 49th birthday to me, the final step before becoming half century old. 

"Demi Masa! Sesungguhnya manusia itu dalam kerugian; Kecuali orang-orang yang beriman dan beramal soleh dan mereka pula berpesan-pesan dengan kebenaran serta berpesan-pesan dengan kesabaran".(Surah Al-Asr,Ayat 1-3)"

Indahkan, ayat Allah. 

Adios.

Nostalgic Jetty

There was once a police jetty located at this place. I knew it not that I always saw it when passed by the Main Bazaar when I was a kid but I ever lost and found at this very jetty.

It all happened when I was 5 or 6 years old. As a very young and small, I always tend to follow older children when playing at the playground. It was a safe playground as it is located in the police housing complex. All the children played there but the boys were more adventurous. They liked to play just outside the boundary and that of course lured interest in me.

One day, they planned to explore further. They planned to go to the jetty. When I heard of this, I don't want to be left behind but the boys dont want to bring me along as I am the smallest kid. I insisted. I follow them along even they tried to loose me a  number of times but I still followed them from a far. They walked faster but still, I managed to follow them. Until they reached the godown. They aboard the waiting police boat immediately when the boat approached the jetty. I jumped right in. The boatmen on duty thought that I am with them so he don't bother that much. 

But the boys was very tricky. When the boat was about to leave, they quickly jumped out of the boat to the jetty and leave me alone on the boat. The boatmen and  his assistant noticed that and knew what was happening. They proceed to across the river to send other passenger to this jetty (picture orange roof) and then send me back to the other side (the jetty - white roof in the picture) after asking me a lot of questions which I can't answer or understood. What do 5-6 years old boy knew.  When I arrived at the jetty, I quickly jump out of the boat, run to the streets and nervously trying to find my way home. I was crying non-stop and I don't know where I am. All I can remember is the stone wall as I played there on the way to here. For info, that stone wall is actually the wall below the Muzium Sarawak overhead bridge.

I ran and ran. When I saw a junction, I turned. Then I ran again not knowing where to go. I cross the street. I don't look back at all. I don't remember if anyone noticed me. It was getting dark when I saw that wall. The very high wall and the overhead bridge. I knew, all I need to do is follow the street straight up and I'll be home. Then I saw the other overhead bridge, the St Joseph school, the church and all the familiar drain, trees, fences and I knew, I am home.

I saw a lot of people in the playground and everyone is walking towards me. I didn't know there's a search party was looking for me. My mother was hugging me hard, crying, asking,I don't know, angrily or worryingly.

I think, that's all I can remember about this jetty but it always stuck in my head and my heart forever.

Adios.