The Line You Shouldn't Cross

 Last night, while having my dinner, I came to one posting in IG that made me thinking. Even though it has been a while I noticed it but I tried to ignore it and said "It is non of my concern". The longer I kept it to myself, the longer that feeling and thought eating me. Sometimes it made me sad because it does happen in front of my very eyes. I am a man. I too have feelings and trust me, I can know how other man feels. His action, body language, the way of thinking and of course, the sense of "high". I also can know if some man crossed their friendship border line.

In friendship between a married man and a married women, there is a small tiny "Chinese Wall" that you can never ever crosses, unless you are willing to commit yourself towards each other. Committing yourself here means, your willing to have an affair with each other intimately. Thinking of adultery. Either it is from the man's side or it is from the woman's side. I myself have that experience and almost fell into "the devil's" whisper. Luckily, I can control my feelings whenever I saw a red-flag. I will quickly turned myself away from being emotionally engage. Remember on my one posting about the night I was almost seduced? ( https://new-ardtstudio.blogspot.com/2023/09/i-am-almost-seduced.html ) I know, it is not easy to turned away a very attractive woman coming into your life. Especially when you are looking for it. But, if you put yourself into the woman's husband shoe, how do you feel if your wife is doing it? Will it broke your heart? I was there before. It crushes me for years. 

When I saw this happened in front of my eyes, I feel sad. How could they hurt someone that have sacrifices their life to them. How could a man forgot what his wife have sacrificed to their marriage all these years? Giving birth to their child. Built a home together. Live in hardship in the early years of marriage. Just to have an intimate love with someone else's wife? And how could a woman willing to break her husband's trust by giving her a freedom to move around? Sacrificed his time for the family. Dropping his sweats day and night for his family. These alone gave me a very sad feeling and frustrated sometimes.

Sweet talk until late at night behind their spouse's back. Early morning call. Hidden messages. Silent ringtone. Expressing intimate feeling towards each other. Meeting secretly behind everyone's back with work excuses. All these are visible to the eyes of one who ever experienced it. You can't hide it. Your body language action said it all. The way you looked at each other. The way you presented yourself to each other. All these maybe you didn't noticed it but trust me, it is very obvious. I've seen marriage collapses because of adultery. I've seen a baby was born because of adultery. Pity the child not knowingly anything and the real father. I've seen husband crushed knowing his wife is having an affair. A wife screamed in public attacking someone else wife because of the affair. It is bad.

Just my advise, stop it. Man can sweet talk to you however you want it. It is easy for them because there's nothing to lose. If a woman got pregnant because of the affair, he can always have his hand clean as there's an innocent husband that willing to be responsible. A woman can hide it forever but do you think you can be happy for the rest of your life? Living in sin? Man can say anything just to get under your pants. He will say his marriage is shaky. His wife can't perform in bed anymore. There's no more love in the family. The wife is queen control etc². That's is all bullshit just to get into your emotion sympathy and to get into your vagina.

Just be cautious of this thin borderline that you can't be crossing at all. It's not good for your future. You'll be alone forever in this type of life. And you'll never be happy forever. 

Adios

Life is not a Drama

 At first, I was about to write all the things that happened in my life in the year 2023. While writing about it, I don't feel the chemistry in it at all. So, it was deleted even I have wrote a very lengthy composition. Blogging for me is always something that could capture my heart. Not for others but for me to feel the romantic side of it. Romantic? That is just a general expression because sometimes, it could make me smile, sad, happy and reminiscing the inner side of me.

Lately, I have this weird sense surrounding me. I feel like there's a "CCTV" is watching every movement I made. It is not a bad thing actually. I seems to like it. It made me feel loved or cared for. Of course you'll want to know by who. It doesn't matter by who or by what. That feeling creates something positive in me. I am getting more active in my daily life. I am getting a good night rest, sometimes. I can express myself more freely without worrying being judged. I started to get back to my hobby and I can feel my work of art being appraised.

But I also know, this is only temporary. One of my daily job in the office is doing customer's profiling. Partly because there's too many "mule" trying to open an account for scamming activities. So, I can say that I am get use to profile people just by asking questions and see their reactions to the questions. My boss and all my colleagues love to hear all my conversation in interviewing new customer's because sometimes, questions they never dare to ask, were asked by me directly to the customer and I can linked all the information to create a customer's profile. Whether it is a good intention or with a hidden agenda.

When someone try to do profiling on my background, I am also good in not telling the whole thing but I don't tell lies. Not telling is not the same as lying. Lying is you're fabricating, prevaricating or speaking falsely about something whereby not telling is you just simply hide the information until it is known or made known. So, I made a second profile of myself, the second known life of mine that many people already know but keep the real private part to myself or to people who are very very close to me.

There's a reason why I do that. Firstly, it is for privacy. For people knowing about me too much scares me. I don't feel comfortable for someone new knows too much about my life. It is just enough for them to know where I work, where I live, my daily routine, my favorite food, drinks, what car I drive and all the external part of my life. It is not time for them to know my family names, my childhood, my love or anything that is intimate to me. Normally, what I do is, I create two characters of me at the same time. For those who I open up with, and for those who I don't have to until someday, when I feel that they can accept me as what I am before to what I am now, then they can freely know me in depth. 

Don't get me wrong. It is not easy to get comfortable with someone without knowing who they are at the first place. When I do customer's profiling, I will get to know their background first. Once their background has been established, then I get to know their intention and if both stories matched, only then the business can be establish comfortably. Same goes with friendship. Should it be remain as friend or can it be classified into close friend. Normally, you can feel the chemistry especially in body language or even in tone of voice.

So, sometimes, people judge me for what they saw externally. For people like this, I always give them for what they can see. From there, if they are interested to know me better, they would engage base on what they see. With that engagement, their interest to know me would somehow land them to more private part of my life. That is if they are sincere about it. Some people, they just want to use you to get into something they want. I am not easily fall into that style. I live long enough to know the dramas or even a hidden agenda. In other words, I am not easily being use anymore. Enough with all the bad experience before. I am more vigilant with people nowadays. I will gather lots of information from all over before I decide what to do. 

So, to all the "CCTVs" around, what you see is the external part of me. The part that I maybe compose just for you to satisfies your need to know. Talk to me more about yourself and maybe I will open up myself to you more. Not that I am keeping a secret from you but maybe I am scared to open up for you.

Adios